Drowning in a World of Pain
by RachelLovesYou6
Summary: If she let herself, she'd drown in a world of pain. But she can't let that happen, she simply wouldn't be able to handle it. When she finds a certain green-eyed boy that's willing to help her, she finds out he has a even darker past of his own.
1. Chapter 1

**Woo! New Fanfiction. Maybe a one-two shot, it all depends on the reviews/favourites and all that. I got this idea off the book, 'Willow' by Julia Hoban ( I think? ) But yes, please enjoy and send me some love at the end :) Thank you so much to my awesome beta-reader. MunroCArmy (twitter), I really appreciate your help :)  
>OO<br>Chapter 1.  
>OO<strong>

_Hi, I'm Clare Edwards. Some of you may know me by the 'cutter' or the 'girl who killed her parents'. I want to tell you about myself. This is my story, about what actually happened that night. Listen well, I hope while reading this, you will realize how much hurt you gave me. So much I wanted to end my fucking life. I hope you're happy._

I sighed as I leaned over the counter, wishing for my shift at the Dot to end soon. I hated working here; I just see even more of those stuck up bitches every day. They make me feel even more worthless than I already do. They come in here and treat me like shit. It's like I'm a fucking puppy or something.

_Why can't they just understand?_

I pulled out my iPod and started blasting music. My boss was eyeing me oddly as I lay my head on the counter, closing my eyes gently, letting the music drown out the rest of the world. I heard the bell go off as someone opened the door. Someone sat down in front of me and I looked up with an annoyed expression.

When I saw him, it was like my heart stopped. He had deep green eyes, jet black long hair that swayed over her eyes. His face was a perfect shape, and his lips were perfect as well.

What the fuck, Clare? No... Snap out of it.

He smirked, "May I have a milkshake and some fries please?" He smiled at me and handed me some money. I nodded my head and slowly and got his food. Just as I handed him his things, the three people that I really didn't want to see came in.

"Hey freak, get me a hamburger with a soda."

I shot him, or Dave, a death glare and gave him his food, nearly throwing it at him. "Here you go, bitch." He threw my money down on the table, making it fall. I mumbled things under my breath as that dark haired kid got down and helped me out.

"I... I got it!" I yelled grabbing the money from him and shoving it in the register. He sat back down and finished his meal as the giggling and murmuring continued at the table in the far corner.

I glared at them, and Julia stood up, walking towards me with a milkshake in her hands. She raised her eyebrow deviously as she eyed the boy sitting at the counter. She walked up to me and before I knew it, I was covered in the sticky substance of the milkshake, the liquid pouring down my suddenly flushed cheeks and now damp curls.

_Great... just fucking great._

Julia laughed obnoxiously and walked back over to the table with her group of friends. I looked at my boss who was talking to them, asking them to leave. I smirked as they all shot me a glare as they left. I looked back down at my clothes which was now ruined and stained from the drink.

"Fuck!" I yelled as I ran into the bathroom. The guy at the counter tried to say something but I wouldn't turn back around. I needed to clean up, and I finally felt the urge to cut. _I needed to._ I need to let my anger out.

As I finally finished cleaning up, I locked myself into the stall; the last door on the right. I sat down against the wall and dug through my pocket. I didn't feel anything, but I kept trying. After a few moments of frustration, I finally felt the tiny blade. I touched the top. Perfect. It's a fresh blade. I took it out of my pocket and eyed it carefully before pressing it down on my wrist, wincing at the slight pain that came upon me.

_I didn't care, though; I like the pain._

Blood trickled down my arm as I watched it drip down onto the ground. I smiled to myself and got the white towel I always used and pressed it gently onto my wrist, feeling the rough material rub against my freshly made cut. I added more pressure onto the cut as the blood started coming through the top. I let the towel fall, noticing that the cut has finally stopped bleeding.

Hesitantly, I walked out of the stall and cleaned up the small mess that I left in the bathroom. I cleaned my arm carefully and pulled on a jacket to cover up the noticeable mark.

_People already notice though, so why hide it?_

I walked out of the bathroom, to see no one in sight but the staff cleaning around the area.

"Clare you can leave, go home and clean up." My boss smiled at me and handed me my paycheck. I nodded my head and walked out of the coffee shop and stopped right in my place when a hard body stopped me.

I fell to the ground, only to be picked back up. I looked at the person; it was the same guy who was being strangely nice to me earlier.

_No one is ever nice to me. They know too much stuff. _

"Are you okay?" He asked. His voice was soft, filled with worry.

"I... um. I'm fine. Why are you talking to me?" I spat. I looked everywhere but at him, trying to avoid his gaze.

"I... I don't know. You just seem like you need a friend."

"I don't need anything." I whispered while walking passed him.

"My name is Eli. Eli Goldsworthy." I didn't stop, I just kept walking further and further away from him. I turned around and he was still standing there, starting at me with that stupid smirk on his face. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

_He can't know about me - the real me. He will only treat me like all the others._

**OO**

"Okay, everyone, today you will be assigned English partners. You will have to get together after school somehow and work with each other." Ms. Dawes' loud, cheery voice echoed throughout the classroom, making me even more annoyed with her than I already was.

"Clare Edwards and…" Ms. Dawes shot her eyes up to the back of the room when the door opened up. "Nice of you to join us, Mr. Goldsworthy, you will be working with…Clare Edwards."

No… it couldn't be.

The boy- or Eli- sat in the chair in front of me and smiled, "So _partner_, when do you want to meet up to do this project?" He smiled at me and looked at me, suddenly making me feel uncomfortable. I just glared at him, not giving him and answer. After a few moments he gave a loud sigh and turned in his desk to make me better.

"Okay, you're upset, is it what happened at the Dot?"

"No." I said quickly.

"Then why aren't you talking to me?" He asked again, his lips faintly tugging into that annoying smirk.

"Because, _Elijah_," He hissed as I said his full name, "I don't want to talk to you. I'm pissed off as it is that you're my partner, I don't need to hate you even more than I do."

"It's Eli, by the way, and I'm sorry if I did anything to hurt you. I didn't mean to. I just want to pass this year and get good grades, make my parents proud so they won't hate me."

I took a deep breath and finally got the nerve to look up at him, "Okay, Eli," I spat. "Can we just get this project done so you can stop talking to me?"

He nodded and looked at me, his expression was unreadable, but he looked upset.

_Did I hurt him? Wait… why would I care?_

"Can we go to my place after school? I can take you home afterwards." He said, with a small amount of hope in his voice. I rolled my eyes and nodded just as the bell rang for us to leave and go home.

I grabbed my books and held tightly onto them as I followed Eli out to his car – or hearse - . "You drive a hearse?" I asked softly, he turned around and smiled.

"Yeah, his name is Morty." He got inside his hearse and I just stood there, admiring his car.

"Hello, are you coming?" He asked while rolling down the windows. I sighed and got in, staying away from Eli as far as possible.

He pulled up in front of this old, abandoned building out in the middle of nowhere.

"Where are we?" I mumbled under my breath, he turned his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"I usually come here to study, it's a quiet place, and I thought you would be interested in something like this." He smiled and I looked over at him, his sleeve of his shirt raised up a little, and that's when I noticed a blood red cut. It looks fresh, probably made about a week or so ago.

_Does he cut too? No, he can't._

He noticed I was staring and he quickly covered his arm and got out of the hearse and walked over to my side and opened the door for me. I eyed him suspiciously and walked behind him as we came upon stairs leading to the top of the roof.

"Ladies first," He said awkwardly. I just stood there and looked at him. "I'm not going to hurt you in anyway, blue eyes, just lets go get this essay done and over with." I had no idea what to say, so I slowly walked in front of him to the top of the roof.

The view on top of the building was beautiful. I could almost see the whole city of Toronto. I smiled inwardly to myself and sat down on a blanket that Eli had laid out.

"Hey, um… we're partners, and I don't even know your name, mind telling me?" He said sitting down uncomfortably close to me. I scooted over some and noticed the hurt look in his eye. There was a long pause.

"Clare." I whispered as I got out my paper and pen to start on my essay. He only nodded and I saw him smile as he started on his paper also.

Of course, as I started reading what we had to write about, I started getting overwhelmed and nervous.

Write about something that happened in your life that really impacted you. Losing a family member, a friend, anything that you think is important.

Of course, I was going to write about my parents, and how I killed them. That impacted my life because ever since the doctor told me that neither of them made it, my whole perspective on life changed. I gave up my beliefs, started turning against my religion, I don't believe any of that shit anymore. I started cutting; people at school got worse towards me.

My parents were the most important people in my life, one second they were yelling at me from the backseat, drunk, telling me what I was a mistake. Next minutes, they're dead. I slid on ice on the express way, hit another car head on, killing both my parents and the other driver, leaving me with only a broken leg and arm. I've always blamed myself for their death, people even tell me that I'm the one who killed them, that I killed three innocent people on purpose.

I'm usually not the one to write about my life and how messed up it is, but I needed to let this out. Ms. Dawes has helped me with past issues, and I actually feel like I can trust her. This may be weird, but she's actually mentioned that I could call her anytime and go to her house if I ever need anything. It was a strange offer to me at first, but the night I actually showed up at her doorstep, I figured I could actually trust her and go to her if I need any help.

As I was going into more and more detail about the crash and how fucked up my life is after that, my heart started pounding in my chest, and my hands started getting shaky.

"Clare?" Eli asked looking up at me. I blocked the sound of his voice and stood up, going through my bag to find the blade I used earlier. I took it out, not even caring if Eli saw.

"Clare? What are you doing?" I backed up and noticed that Eli was directly behind me. I turned around, my cries turning into sobs. Once he saw the blade his eyes widened and he grabbed my shoulder but I pulled away.

"Clare, don't do this." He whispered, I shook my head and began to speak.

"My parents want me to die. They even said that I was a mistake the night I killed them. Haven't you heard, Elijah? I killed my parents that night when I crashed into another car. That whole fucking accident was my fault. My parents want me dead, so that's that they're going to get." I cried and pressed the blade onto my wrist. Eli ran over to me and grabbed the blade from my hand, eyeing the cuts all up and down my arm.

"Don't do that, Clare." Eli whispered while ghosting his fingers over the scars. "Why would you hurt yourself?" I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"Because, Eli! I'm ugly; I'm a disgusting human being. No one cares about me, that's why I hurt myself. I cut because everyone hates me for what I did. I cut because I'm worthless in this world and just a waste of space. No one cares, not even you."

He raised his eyebrow and placed his hand on my cheek, caressing it and wiping off the tears that were still falling. "I care about you."

"No you don't, you're lying!" I yelled getting out of his grip. He pulled my back and I landed right into his chest, his arms wrapping around my upper body, pulling me into a comforting hug. "No… you're lying!" I yelled, fighting him to make him let go, but his grip only became tighter around me. I finally gave in and started sobbing in his chest, my arms hanging loosely around his waist. I felt him press a light kiss on my forehead.

"It's okay, Clare. I got you."

**OOO**

**CONTINUE OR….? :) YOU TELL ME!**

**I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE THEY'RE GOING TO FAST, BUT NEXT CHAPTER SOMETHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN WITH CLARE… SO YEAH. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews! Here is chapter 2 :)****  
><strong>**  
><strong>**Beta Reader****- EFlareDegrassi :)**

**Chapter 2.****  
><strong>**OOO**

**Chapter 2.**

Eli held me in his arms tightly, letting me cry in his chest. I let out all my anger and told someone I barely know my story. He whispered some sweet things in my ear to calm me down, and for once, right at this second, I felt like he cared for me. After two years of darkness and pain, he came into my life and made my world much brighter.

I pulled back with a smile, yes I actually smiled; I didn't have to fake one, "Eli, thank you." He looked at me and his smirk slowly turned into a smile. He kissed my cheek gently and nodded.

"Anything for you." He smiled, "We should get you home." He grabbed my things and handed me mine and we walked back to Morty.

OOO

It's been a week since my last break down in front of Eli, and ever since that day it feels like my life is slowly being pulled back together. Eli walked me to every class, drove me home every day, he is probably the sweetest person I know. He makes me feel complete; he makes me feel like I need to be in this world no matter what.

I was about to open my locker when I noticed a note, I pulled it off and it read,

_Hey Blue Eyes, sorry I won't be able to make it. Mom picked me up early; I'll be outside waiting for you at the end of the day- E_

I smiled and grabbed my books and headed off to English Class. Right as I was about to turn the corner, a hard body shoved me against the wall. He placed his hand on my mouth, muffling my screams. He grunted and pulled me into the bathroom. I tried screaming but his hand pressed harder on my mouth. Tears formed in my eyes and the guy pushed me against the stall.

He put his hand underneath my skirt and started rubbing me with his hand. I cried out hoping someone would hear me, but with my luck no one heard me. I cried louder and louder as he put more pressure on my body. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice echo through the bathroom. I saw those black boots come under the stall.

"Eli!" I yelled when the guy wasn't paying any attention to me and more.

"Clare!" Eli threw his body against the door making it fly open. His eyes widened as he saw the guy with all dark clothing and his face covered with his hand shoved up my lower region.

"Get the fuck off of her!" He yelled and grabbed the man and pushed him to the ground, beating him repeatedly until he was unconscious. Eli looked at me and his mouth hung open. He quickly ran to me and looked all over my body, seeing bruises on my arms and face.

I was speechless, I tried to talk but nothing was coming out. "Eli... he... I..."

"Clare, don't talk. I'm calling the police." He pulled out his phone and I slowly sunk to the floor. I pulled my legs up to my chest and sobbed quietly. I heard Eli say his thank you to the person on the phone then he slowly sat down next to me. I had no other choice but move closer to him and lay my head on his chest. He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back gently before Mr. Simpson ran through the bathroom door to see the guy lying on the ground, and me crying hysterically in Eli's arms.

"What happened in here? The police are outside saying that someone got sexually assaulted?" Eli stood up, but I pulled him by the shirt back down to me, I never wanted to let go. Whenever he's gone, something bad seems to always happen.

"Sir, I was just getting back to school from a doctor's appointment, I heard muffled cries coming from in here, when I came in I saw that guy with his hand over Clare's mouth and his other was touching her in places. I freaked out, beat him up, and called the police." Eli was rocking me back and forth to calm me down as he explained to Mr. Simpson everything that happened.

Mr. Simpson got the guy and carried him out to the police, turns out the 'mystery man' was no other than KC Guthrie, my ex who knocked up a girl and left her the moment he found out. I shot him a death glare as we walked past him, the tears slowly starting to form in my eyes as I realized what actually just happened.

Eli stayed by my side the whole time I talked to the police. He was with me every step of the way. If you're wondering what happened to KC, he got expelled and arrested for 2 years. Apparently, this isn't the first time he did it. When other girls heard about it, they jumped in right at that moment to tell.

After about an hour after investigations, Eli took me home. I stayed by his side the whole way there, I was afraid to lift a finger. I knew that when I was around him, I was safe. When I wasn't, my world instantly becomes dark.

"I don't want to go." I mumbled, still shook up from the previous events.

"I-I know, but I have to get home." Eli said rubbing my forearm, goose bumps rising at his gentle touch.

"Let me come with you." I said with a little hope in my voice.

"Clare... I - are you sure? You don't think we're moving too fast?" He asked pulling me away to look in my eyes.

"No, I don't. I just feel like whenever you're not around the worst things happen to me, but when you are, everything is perfect." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. He took long enough to answer so I just pushed myself out of his arms and scooted over to the door, "I get it, and you don't want me to come."

"What? Clare... wait." Eli got out of the car and followed me, stepping in front of me. He grabbed my shoulder and I winced in pain when he touched one of my sensitive bruises KC gave me. "You can come over, are you planning on staying the night? If you were that's okay, my mom won't mind. I just want you to be safe."

He smiled at me, one of the brightest smiles I've even seen that spread across his perfectly shaped face. I nodded and gave him a hug before pulling him into my house.

"Um... wait here, I guess. I'll go get my things." I faked a smile and walked upstairs into my room. Things haven't really changed, I guess you can say. After the accident I painted my room a dark purple and everything else is either black or a maroon color. I grabbed my clothes and shoved them into the bag before stopping at my desk.

I eyed the small container and opened it up; looking at the sharp metal inside with the little white towel I use to clean up. I haven't cut in a while, but I finally felt that urge to. I took a deep breath and stuffed the box inside my bag and walked downstairs.

"Are you ready?" I asked, Eli's back was turned to me and he was looking at family pictures. He jumped as he heard my voice and smiled as he saw me with my stuff ready to go.

"Okay, come on."

OOO

We arrived at Eli's house about 3 hours ago. It was about 11pm and we were watching a horror movie. Even though my life is like one of those thrillers that you can watch over and over, but you still get terrified even though you know something is about to happen, I absolutely hated horror movies. They just make my skin crawl, and I hate how the bad guy always kills the innocent person.

The movie was finally over, and I looked up at Eli who was smirking. I looked down and noticed that I was practically on his lap. I blushed and crawled off of him and stood up, "Where's the bathroom?" I asked with a small smile. Eli pointed down the hallway,

"Last door to the right."

I quietly thanked him and pulled my bag over my shoulder and walked down the endless hallway before I got to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the full length mirror, looking at all the scars up and down my arms and across my stomach. I ghosted my fingers over the red marks as tears rimmed my eyes.

"Why did this have to happen to me?" I quietly asked myself.

_"I wish we never had you."_

_"We hate you!"_

_"Go to hell, bitch."_

_"You're so pointless and worthless to this world, you're just a waste of space."_

My parent's words echoed through my head. I closed my eyes tightly and felt a tear escape my eye. I fell to my knees and dug through my bag to find exactly what I was looking for. I stood up, eyeing my scars again before pressing the blade to my skin. I added more and more pressed before I saw the pool of blood form around my wrist. I watched it drip to the floor and onto my bag. I smirked at the sight, blocking out the pain that was overcoming my body.

I grabbed for my towel, but a weird feeling shocked through my body. My vision started getting blurry, and I feel to the ground with a large thud. Then, all I saw was black. This time, no one was there to save me.

**OOO**

**Okay, yeah. I know its short… but anyways, review, and NO, Clare is not dead... yet. ;) But I have so much planned for this story; it's not even close to being done.  
>Well, send me some lovely reviews.(:<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews! Here is chapter 3 (:**

**Beta Reader- EFlareDegrassi**

**OOO**

**Chapter 3.**

My eyes fluttered open, looking around the bright colored room that I was sitting in. I heard the faint noise of a heart monitor beeping.

_Beep Beep Beep_

I shut my eyes tightly and opened them back up, finally realizing that I was in a hospital room. I looked at my aching wrist and noticed bandages covering up the cut I made. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes,

"Why did you do it?" I heard a deep, scratchy voice coming from beside me. I jumped and looked over to see those jade green eyes staring back at me. His eyes were red and puffy and I could see the redness of his cheeks. "Why did you hurt yourself?" He asked again only louder. He looked at me with anger slowly entering his eyes.

"I... I don't know. I just felt the urge too. After what KC did to me, when I went into the bathroom I saw all the scars, the memory of the night my parents died mentally flashed through my head. I- I couldn't stop myself." I felt a tear escape me eye. I lifted my free hand and wiped it away before Eli could notice.

"Why didn't you say anything to me?" Eli yelled, I flinched at his sudden outburst but he came and sat down next to me, "S-sorry." he mumbled, "Do you know how worried I was, though?" He whispered, looking at me.

"How?" I asked softly, looking at him through my eyelashes. My head hung low as he spoke; I didn't want him to notice I was crying.

"It was about an hour after you got up, and I figured you were in the shower or something so I didn't bother checking on you." He took a deep breath, "Minutes went by and you still didn't come out, so I went to check on you. I knocked on the door and you didn't answer. I knocked again and I was becoming scared. I opened the door and saw you lying there, with your eyes closed and you weren't breathing properly." Eli took a short pause and placed his hand on top of mine. I looked up at him, our eyes locking. He smiled and looked away, "I called the police and picked you up and waited in the kitchen for the police. I put pressure on the cut and waited."

I sighed, "I'm so sorry I put you through that. I didn't know what was happening. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Clare. Just promise me... you won't do it again."

_I can't promise him that._ Sure he can stop me, but I will _always_ be a cutter. No matter what, that's still me.

I slowly nodded as he stood up. He walked over to me and pressed a light kiss on my forehead. I smiled to myself as I felt his lips touch my skin. He leaned back and looked at me, "I'm going to go get something to eat, and do you want anything?" I shook my head and he rubbed my hand before showing me a smile and walking out of the room.

**OOO**

I was finally home from the hospital, well not home, I was at Eli's. He asked me if I wanted to stay with him for a little bit, so he got the quest room ready for me to settle in. We were currently in his room, sitting on his larger, king sized bed. His walls were covered by Dead Hand posters and the rest were bands I didn't recognize. His bed was a forest green color, with a pillow covered in skulls. This room practically screamed Eli.

"So, Clare, what's the plan for today? We can stay here and hang out, we can go see a movie, or we can play video games." Eli looked at me with that goofy grin on his face that made me laugh.

"We can stay here so I can totally beat your ass at video games." I smiled at him as he rolled his eyes playfully.

"Yeah right, you wish." He said sarcastically handed me a game controller from his bed stand.

"Okay, we'll just have to see then." I raised my eye brows at him and he smirked, pressing play on the game.

We were about 2 hours into the game when Eli threw his controller down with a frustrated sigh, "Alright, I quit." He said. I looked at him and smiled wide,

"You're just pissed that I beat you... 4 times in a row. Face it Eli, you lost to a girl." I began laughing as he shot me a glare. I watched as the smile tugged on his lips, and before I knew it, Eli pounced on me, sending me back against the pillows.

"You shouldn't make fun of me because you won, blue eyes, and now, you're going to pay." With that, Eli began to tickle my sides. I took a deep breath as Eli quickly found my soft spot and began tickling me. Eli laughed under his breath as he watched me suffer.

"O-Okay Eli! I learned my lesson. You can stop now." I tried forcing his hands off my sides, but they ended up getting pinned above my head. My breath got caught in my throat as Eli looked at me, his eyes drifting from my eyes, to my lips, and back again. He moved his head closer and kissed my forehead, making me slightly laugh. He kissed both my cheeks and my nose. He lifted his head back up and looked at me,

"Sorry." He whispered, he slowly moved off of me but I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back down, I looked into his eyes before slowly leaning up and briefly touching my lips against his. His lips were soft against mine. I smiled and at that moment, everything stopped. I felt as if I was slowly melting into another world, a perfect one if you were wondering. I leaned back and looked at Eli, who was staring at me with a confused glare.

"What was that for?" He asked, but without saying words, I flipped us over so I was straddling his lap, my legs on either side of his waist. I smiled at him before leaning down and pressing my lips to his cheek. I looked at him as that smirk played on his lips as his cheeks turned a light pink.

"You're cute when you blush." I whispered, not processing the words I just spoke. Before Eli could answer me, I leaned down and pressed my lips to his. Eli's breathing hitched, but soon enough, his lips were moving in-sync with mine. My hands rested on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath my palm. My stomach was exploding with butterflies as we kissed, it felt like a first kiss, one that you wish you can rewind and replay it over and over again.

Honestly, I have never been kissed like this before. KC's kisses were always forced and sloppy, and Jake never wanted to kiss me, he was always too busy to even peck me on the cheek. Eli's kissed though, they were soft, and they were perfect. Even though this is my first time kissing Eli, I fell in love with them. As scared I was about admitting this, I was slowly falling for Elijah Goldsworthy.

I was totally pulled off guard when I felt Eli slide his tongue on my bottom lip. I smiled against his lips and slowly opened up to him. His tongue met mine, and I suddenly felt like I was in heaven. Our tongues danced with each other as I smiled against his lips once again. Eli pulled back making me whimper from the loss.

"Wow... that was..."

"Amazing." I said, finish off his sentence. I laid my head on his chest, trying to regain my breathing. Eli's breaths got deeper by the second; I looked up to notice he was sleeping. He had his arms wrapped loosely on my lower back with his head turned slightly to the side. I chuckled at him and I leaned up and kissed his cheek lightly, trying my best not to wake him.

Just for a second, I thought my life was going to be perfect. I thought everything is going to be okay, that I have to worry about nothing. But of course, I was wrong. I suddenly snapped back to reality. My eyes widened, and I shot up, jumping off on Eli's lap.

"C-Clare? What's wrong?" I heard Eli ask. I stopped at the doorway and turned around to face him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, getting that feeling in my chest like I was about to cry, "I can't. I have to go." I whispered and ran out of his room. I heard Eli call my name, but I blocked out all the sound of his voice and went inside the guest room. I shut the door and locked it, sliding down and bringing my knees up to my chest. I cried silently, as I heard footsteps coming closer to my door.

"Clare, are you okay?" I heard Eli ask softly. I took a deep breath and shook my head, even though he couldn't see it.

"Just go away Eli; I don't want to talk to you right now." I cried and wiped my eyes, getting rid of all the lose tears.

"Clare please... let me in, let's talk about this." Eli said to me. I took a deep breath,

"No. Leave me alone, I want to sleep." I stood up, and pressed my ear against the door. I heard Eli mumbled something under his breath, but soon enough I heard his footsteps disappear down the hall. I shut my eyes tightly and walked over to the bed and lay down. I closed my eyes and thought about everything that happened earlier. I sighed; Eli can't know why I did that. He simply wouldn't be able to handle it. I was probably going to tell him, he would somehow get it out of me, but it was going to take a while before I could ever tell him what happened.

**OOO**

It's been weeks ever since I last talked to Eli. Yes, I still stay with him, but I haven't said anything to him ever since that day. We only give the occasional "good morning" or "hey" in the hallways at school, but that's about it.

Today during English, Eli was desperately trying to talk to me, but I was to embarrassed to talk. The truth was going to eventually slip out, so I tried to keep quiet for now. The bell finally rang, telling the school that it was now time to leave. I grabbed my books and ran out of the school, not even bothering to go get my things out of my locker.

"Clare! Wait!" I heard Eli yell. I rolled my eyes and started walking faster. "Clare." his hand wrapped around my arm and I turned around, stopping myself before slamming into his body.  
>"Please, tell me what's wrong. I can't stand not being able to talk to you. It's killing me." I looked up at him, finally locking my eyes with his for the first time in weeks. "please." his eyes were glossy and filled with worry as he spoke every word.<p>

"Eli. I... I'm scared. I'm scared that if I start liking you more that I'm going to realize that you're going to leave me. I can't let someone hurt me again." I took a deep breath and looked down at my feet "I'm scared that if we become more than friends that the end of it will come. I get too attached to people, and every time I lose them, I-I feel like I'm going to die." I looked back up at Eli and continued, "I like you Eli, I really do-" Eli cut me off by touching my cheek with his hand.

"Clare you have to know, I'll never, in a million years hurt you. Also, I like you too." Eli showed that smirk and I shook my head gently.

"How do I know that you won't hurt me?" I asked

"I promise you that I won't. I would never hurt you in a million years. Trust me." I looked up at him to see any hint of lying, but thankfully, I didn't.

I slightly nodded and he smiled, showing all his teeth. I laughed at his excitement and placed my hand on his.

"Can I... kiss you?" He asked with hope in his voice. I giggled and took a step closer to him.

"I'd be upset if you didn't, Goldsworthy." And with that, Eli leaned down and pressed his lips gently to mine. I moved my hands up and tangled his hair between my fingers. His hands snaked down to my waist and held me securely in his hands. I pulled back and rested my forehead against his before smiling inwardly to myself.

I saw stares as people walked past us, but we didn't give a care in the world. Eli looked deeply into my eyes before connecting our lips again. I smiled in the kiss and he took his chance to slide his tongue past my mouth. His tongue met mine, and that feeling suddenly hit me again.  
>The butterflies exploded in my stomach as the world stopped around us.<p>

"Can I ask you something?" I asked him, breaking the kiss. He nodded and pecked my lips again making me smile, "When we get back home, can I tell you why I... cut, and what made me the way I am? I feel like I can trust you, and there are some things you still don't know about me and I feel like I should tell you."

Eli nodded, "Of course, and I'll tell you some things about myself as well." He showed me a caring smile and kissed my forehead before pulling me into a hug.  
>"You know, I really do like you Clare."<p>

I smiled against his chest, "I do know, and I like you, too."

**OOO  
><strong>  
>"My sister, Darcy, was my best friend before my parents died. She was always there for me and I was always there for her. We told each other everything." I took a deep breath; I hated talking about my family. But when I was with Eli I felt like I could tell him anything. "When she found out that I was driving the night my parents were killed, she turned against me. She practically kicked me out of her life when she found out. I haven't talked to her since." I closed my eyes and leaned back against the headboard to Eli's bed.<p>

"Did you try calling her or anything?" He asked while moving up and sitting beside me.

"Yeah, but she always told me off, saying that I was a terrible human being for purposely killing our parents. After the day she said she hated me I stopped. That's when I started cutting, because I felt like no one loved me, I felt like no one gave a care in the world if I died or hurt myself." I felt Eli's hand grab mine as he gave it a gentle squeeze.

"So, after a few weeks, the word got out. People at school treated me like shit, my best friend turned against me, my brother wouldn't talk to me—"Eli cut me off,

"You have a brother?"

"Yeah, Liam, I never talk about him though, I'll get more on him in a second. But right now, that's not the point." Eli nodded as I continued, "The only person that cared for me would be Ms. Dawes. Yes I said it, Ms. Dawes actually treated me like I was her own daughter. I even spent a few nights at her house when things were getting bad. She's like family to me." I looked over at Eli who was giving me a confused glare; he nodded his head again to tell me to go on.

"So, anyways, let's talk about Liam. He was the best brother in the world; he always stuck up for me, even after our parent's death. One day, I don't even know what happened; he just randomly started yelling at me. I yelled back, and he called me all these horrible names and he even mentioned that whatever my parents said to me was true, a _mistake_. After he said that to me, that was the first night I woke up in the hospital. He didn't come to see me, when I got home he even packed up his things and left. I haven't spoken to him or Darcy in the last two years."

"I'm so sorry Clare, " Eli whispered putting an arm around me. "Have they figured out the _real_ story yet?" He asked, I shook my head,

"They'll never know the real story. They're too busy with their own life to know that their fucking sister is dying on the inside every day. It's all their fault and they don't care." I closed my eyes tightly and leaned onto Eli, resting my head on his shoulder.

"They do care about you, Clare. They're just being stupid to not realize how amazing you are. You know the truth and they're too stuck up to believe it." I smiled up at him and kissed his cheek. I watched as a light shade of pink moved across his face. I laughed and moved my head back on his shoulder as the silence fell around us.

"So, I told you about myself, it's your turn." I whispered, breaking the silence. He nodded slightly before shifting on the bed.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow? It's late, and we have that English test tomorrow." I nodded and got off of the bed before leaning over and kissing the corner of his mouth.

"Goodnight, Elijah." I said while walking out of his room and into mine. I jumped onto the bed and quickly fell into a deep sleep. I wondered if Eli was going to tell me about those scars on his wrists, or those bruises on his sides. I always saw a small glimpse of some when he was reaching for something, but he quickly covered them up before he thought I could notice.

I shrugged off the thought and closed my eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

**OO**

**Well… a lot was happening in this chapter, but yeah. There will be some drama coming up in the next chapter probably.. REVIEW!:)**


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